


shenanigans

by orphan_account



Category: Smosh
Genre: (but only for two seconds as well), (but only for two seconds), Alternate Universe - High School, FTM!Shayne, Group chat, MTF!Mari, Mentioned dysphoria, Recreational Drug Use, Swearing, Texting, ever so slightly hinted damien/shayne and courtney/olivia, like if you blink... you miss it, mentioned transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:41:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22282795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: LASERCORN: DO YOU THINK I CAN NUKE THE ENDER DRAGON
Comments: 3
Kudos: 41





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is just a short self indulgent group chat au i wrote, but i might add more another time.
> 
> also;  
> day = damien  
> court bourt = courtney  
> livliv = olivia  
> CalaMari = mari  
> wild wes-t = wes  
> ms boats = boze  
> and you can work out the other ones very easily

shayne started a chat!

shayne added day, court bourt, livliv, keith, noah, CalaMari, LASERCORN, ian, jovenshire, wild wes-t, and ms boats!

shayne: hi

keith: shayne we're in class

shayne: yeah but i'm bored

LASERCORN: ACTUALLY IM NOT IN CLASS  
LASERCORN: I GOT KICKED OUT

shayne: how??

LASERCORN: APPARENTLY THROWING MY TEXTBOOK ON THE GROUND IN FRUSTRATION IS A HAZARD TO THE SAFETY OF MY FELLOW STUDENTS AND AN INTERRUPTION TO THEIR LEARNING OR SOMETHING

shayne: are u ok??

LASERCORN: YEAH I TOOK OUT MY FRUSTRATION AT MATH BY BLOWING UP A BUNCH OF SHIT IN OUR MINECRAFT SERVER  
LASERCORN: ALSO I FOUND A BALL ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD AND KICKED IT AS HARD AS POSSIBLE  
LASERCORN: IT KINDA HURT MY FOOT

shayne: i'm just glad u didn't do that white boy thing again and punch a wall

LASERCORN: I CONSIDERED IT  
LASERCORN: AND THEN I REMEMBERED HOW MUCH IT HURT AND I SHOULDNT GIVE IN TO SELF DESTRUCTIVE TENDENCIES OR WHATEVER IT WAS YOU SAID

shayne: B)

ms boats: lmao the teacher just confiscated damien's phone because it kept going off

shayne: i love damien and all but that's his fault for having his ringer on in the good year of our lord 2020

LASERCORN: I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT MY TEXT TONE SOUNDS LIKE BECAUSE IVE NEVER HAD MY PHONE OFF SILENT

ms boats: same

LASERCORN: I WISH I HAD A FLIP PHONE JUST SO I COULD TYPE MORE AGGRESSIVELY AND IT WOULD BE MORE SATISFYING

shayne: i mean  
shayne: they're not exactly expensive so

LASERCORN: SHAYNE IM BROKE

shayne: fair enough

ms boats: i might have an old flip phone lying around?? idk

shayne: why would u ever have a flip phone

ms boats: remember when i went through three phones in three months

shayne: oh yeah

LASERCORN: YOU SHOULD KEEP IT BECAUSE ILL PROBABLY SNAP IT IN HALF OUT OF IMPULSE

ms boats: i have absolutely no use for it because i've gotten better at not dropping my phone

LASERCORN: ILL FEEL BAD IF I DONT PAY YOU

ms boats: you can have it for free but just know you owe me

LASERCORN: OK FAIR ENOUGH  
LASERCORN: THANKS

ms boats: you're welcome

shayne: i think boze has like six 'iou's from me  
shayne: i'm really scared that one day she'll just cash them all in for one mega iou

ms boats: ;)))

shayne: that doesn't soothe my fears at all

LASERCORN: SHE HAS LIKE NINE FROM ME DONT GIVE HER IDEAS

shayne: oh no what have i done

LASERCORN: SOMETHING BAD I THINK

ms boats: ;))))))))))

—

LASERCORN: DEAR DIARY  
LASERCORN: TODAY I ALMOST FOUGHT A TEACHER

day: you did WHAT?

LASERCORN: IN MY DEFENCE HE WAS MISGENDERING MARI AND I HAVE ANGER ISSUES AND SOMETIMES MINECRAFT JUST ISNT ENOUGH

CalaMari: You really didn't have to do that.  
CalaMari: Now you've been suspended and I feel bad!

LASERCORN: ITS ONLY TWO DAYS

ian: winter break ended two days ago

wild wes-t: wait, what happened??

LASERCORN: DURING HISTORY WE HAD A SUBSTITUTE AND MR WHATSHISNAME WAS DOING ATTENDANCE AND WHEN MARI CORRECTED HIM ON HER NAME HE IGNORED HER AND KEPT CALLING HER HER DEADNAME  
LASERCORN: SO I TOLD HIM THAT WASNT HER NAME AND THAT HE SHOULD REFER TO HER BY HER ACTUAL NAME AND HE STARTED BEING TRANSPHOBIC AND THE RESTS A BLUR  
LASERCORN: I THINK THAT TEACHER WAS PUT UNDER REVIEW AND MAYBE SUSPENDED TOO OR SOMETHING THOUGH BUT I WAS STILL SUSPENDED FOR THREATENING A TEACHER OR WHATEVER

noah: you said trans rights

LASERCORN: I LIVE AND BREATHE TRANS RIGHTS

CalaMari: <3

LASERCORN: <3 (NO HETERO)

livliv: i'm just glad the school actually did something about the teacher though

court bourt: yeah. some schools wouldn't do that.

day: we're lucky then.

—

LASERCORN: SO ABOUT THAT FLIP PHONE

ms boats: i'll give it to joven and he can give it to you tomorrow

jovenshire: wait i didn't agree to this

ms boats: too bad

LASERCORN: AWESOME THANKS  
LASERCORN: JOVEN YOU CAN SMOKE SOME WEED WITH ME

jovenshire: sold

ian: note to self; buy some weed so i can get joven to do shit for me

wild wes-t: ian, do you have a list of what it'd take to get us to do things for you?

ian: yep  
ian: always be prepared

keith: i'd be worried but ian is no boze

ms boats: :))))))

keith: ominous

shayne: off topic, but i sort of regret taking psychology

noah: why?

wild wes-t: isn't it literally your favourite subject?

shayne: we're discussing dysphoria currently and the teacher expects me to talk about it but i don't want to explain how i hate my body

day: :(( i'm sorry

shayne: it's not your fault  
shayne: hey @CalaMari do u wanna trade bodies

CalaMari: I don't know if I want to be white.

shayne: fair enough  
shayne: white people are the worst

CalaMari: But at the same time, I want to not have a dick, so let's do it.

court bourt: solidarity

livliv: trans solidarity  
livliv: transolidarity

shayne: KSJDJSJSJ  
shayne: why is that so funny to me

livliv: maybe because i'm a comedy genius

shayne: hmm i don't know...

day: actually, olivia is really funny.

shayne: ok true

livliv: boy i am feeling the love tonight  
livliv: and it feels very nice

court bourt: you deserve it <3

livliv: <3

shayne: gay

day: shayne, you're gay.

—

jovenshire: does anyone have the answers for the math homework?

ms boats: *image*

jovenshire: boze, you are a lifesaver.

ms boats: they don't call me ms boats for nothing

wild wes-t: what does that mean??

ms boats: idk

jovenshire: lifesavers have boats, i think.

ms boats: lifesavers aren't only related to water

wild wes-t: yeah.

jovenshire: when i hear lifesaver i think of surf lifesavers, who probably have boats.

wild wes-t: you didn't hear it though.  
wild wes-t: you read it.

ms boats: wes that doesn't matter  
ms boats: the important thing is that what i said makes a little sense because lifesavers can have boats

jovenshire: but anyone can have a boat.

ms boats: this conversation is killing my brain cells

wild wes-t: ^^

jovenshire: honestly, same.  
jovenshire: ...  
jovenshire: wanna play minecraft?

wild wes-t: you promise not to rage quit?

jovenshire: i promise to probably not rage quit.

wild wes-t: good enough.  
wild wes-t: boze, are you down?

ms boats: yeah  
ms boats: also i'm a little worried about what lasercorn blew up last time he was on there

wild wes-t: with any luck, he only blew up some dungeon we already cleared.

jovenshire: unlikely.

ms boats: well i guess we'll find out

—

jovenshire: @day @LASERCORN @CalaMari get on the minecraft server guys!!  
jovenshire: we're fortifying our village while the others aren't online!

day: only if lasercorn promises not to kill me.

LASERCORN: I PROMISE  
LASERCORN: I TOOK OUT MY RAGE ON A BLANK NOTE BOOK EARLIER SO YOURE ALL SAFE FOR NOW  
LASERCORN: ALSO I LIKE MAKING DEFENCE SYSTEMS

jovenshire: besides, we're on the same side, so if you killed him you'd only be weakening your own side.

LASERCORN: TRUE

CalaMari: I'll join! Mainly to supervise Lasercorn though.

LASERCORN: YEAH THATS FAIR

—

keith: guys i'm lost

noah: h o w

keith: i got to school early and went wandering through the halls and now i'm in a part of the school i don't recognise

court bourt: what classrooms are nearby?

keith: uhh  
keith: A23, A24, A25, you get the idea

livliv: i have never been to those classrooms in my life what the fuck keith

ian: aren't those the art classrooms

shayne: yeah  
shayne: i'll be there in a minute keith, stay where u are

keith: we have an ART PROGRAM?

ian: not really

court bourt: it's underfunded because american schools seem to funnel their money into sports.  
court bourt: which i guess makes sense, but it'd be nice if they encouraged creativity as well as athleticism.

noah: i took art in freshman year they can barely afford materials sometimes and have bake sales occasionally

livliv: that's kind of sad :((

keith: yeah...  
keith: on another note, shayne is here and i'm saved

shayne: ur welcome  
shayne: now let's leave no one's here and it's creepy

ian: suddenly, a classroom door opens to reveal....

livliv: an alien

noah: a serial killer

court bourt: the art teacher

shayne: a rabid dog

keith: all four of those at once

ian: yes

—

LASERCORN: YOUR BOY HAS A FLIP PHONE  
LASERCORN: IVE BEEN TYPING ON IT AND THE KEYS ARE VERY FUN TO POUND

keith: sounds..... sexual

LASERCORN: SHUT UP  
LASERCORN: ALSO IT IS VERY TEMPTING TO SNAP THIS IN HALF BUT ILL SAVE THAT FOR A DAY WHERE I AM VERY VERY ANGRY

keith: as long as you don't break your hand again

LASERCORN: IM GETTING BETTER AT NOT PUNCHING WALLS

keith: good

—

ian: i have i'm a slave 4 u by britney spears stuck in my head  
ian: but only the chorus

CalaMari: It's a good song!

ian: yeah, but only the chorus on repeat in my head is going to slowly murder me

noah: what kind of flowers do you want at your funeral?

ian: i've always been more of a tulip kind of guy

noah: what colour?

ian: hmmm white

noah: got it!

CalaMari: I'll pay for them!

ian: good to know my funeral planning is in good hands

CalaMari: :)

noah: :))

ian: but i'm a slave 4 u is still stuck in my head

CalaMari: Sorry, I don't know how to help.

noah: die

ian: ok

—

livliv: joven what kind of things would you do for weed

jovenshire: anything.

livliv: anything?

jovenshire: a n y t h i n g.

livliv: Then Preish.

jovenshire: the misspelling of perish really takes away from the effect.

livliv: FUCK  
livliv: Then Perish.

jovenshire: ://  
jovenshire: yeah, your spelling ruined it.

livliv: fuck me

—

court bourt: i made some cookies, does anyone want to come over?

wild wes-t: i'm on my way!

court bourt: wes, i'm concerned for how much sugar you eat.

wild wes-t: does this mean i can't have cookies?

court bourt: you can still have some! i just think you should cut down because of things like cavities and diabetes!

wild wes-t: fair enough.  
wild wes-t: i have a few board games in my car if you want to play any.

court bourt: do you have monopoly?

wild wes-t: courtney, do you really want to strain our friendship like that?

court bourt: good point.  
court bourt: bring them all in and we'll decide then.

wild wes-t: ok!!

—

day: what if we sliewi29/&/$jdjdhwh....? haha.... just kidding.... unless?

noah: damien what the fresh fuck

day: what if we sliewi29/&/$jdjdhwh....?

noah: how much coffee have you had?

day: too much.

—

LASERCORN: DO YOU THINK I CAN NUKE THE ENDER DRAGON

day: only one way to find out!

shayne: can we all band together to find the end portal because if the nuke doesn't work i want to help kill it  
shayne: also u'll need help taking out the crystal thingys first

LASERCORN: ...TEMPORARY PEACE TREATY BUT ONLY BECAUSE I WANT TO NUKE THE ENDER DRAGON

shayne: @everbody get on the minecraft server losers, we're going dragon hunting

day: 8/10 on the reference.

shayne: B)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> keith: why don't we turn on keep inventory in minecraft?
> 
> LASERCORN: BECAUSE WE ARENT COWARDS
> 
> keith: uhh thats where you're dead wrong, buddy
> 
> LASERCORN: **I ENJOY SEEING YOU ALL SUFFER
> 
> keith: yeah that checks out

ms boats: i've been thinking

LASERCORN: THATS NEVER GOOD

ms boats: you're the worst

LASERCORN: ID SEND A KISSY FACE EMOJI BUT I REFUSE TO EVEN IRONICALLY USE EMOJIS

ms boats: 😘

LASERCORN: YOU CANT TELL BUT I JUST THREW UP IN MY MOUTH

ms boats: ANYWAY  
ms boats: i realised this friend group has like… four parents

LASERCORN: EXPLAIN

ms boats: ian and damien are our dads and courtney and mari are our moms

LASERCORN: ….  
LASERCORN: I HATE HOW THATS TRUE

ian: i'm not your dad

ms boats: i'm sorry mr “where-have-you-been”

ian: i was WORRIED  
ian: that was ONE TIME

LASERCORN: ACTUALLY I CAN VERIFY IT WAS AT LEAST EIGHT TIMES

ian: by one time, i meant one time per child

ms boats: so you admit it

ian: ...yeah  
ian: in my defence, spending five minutes with you guys activated my parental instincts

ms boats: (i think that's code for he loves us)

LASERCORN: (DEFINITELY)

ian: sigh

keith changed ian’s nickname to dad!

dad: keith you weren't even online?????

keith: yeah i was just watching the notifications appear on my home screen

dad: ah

LASERCORN: IAN IS DADDY CONFIRMED

ms boats: LASERCORN NO

dad: delete that message

LASERCORN: NEVER

keith removed LASERCORN!

keith: sometimes, self care is getting rid of things that upset you

—

wild wes-t: is anyone going to add lasercorn back?

noah: according to keith, “after he atones for his sins.”

wild wes-t: why couldn't keith say that himself?

noah: he locked himself out of his phone somehow.

wild wes-t: ...right.  
wild wes-t: well, i’m adding back lasercorn.

noah: JDHSDONT YOU DARE WESLEYSNSMSMMZ

wild wes-t added LASERCORN!

LASERCORN: IT TOOK SEVEN HOURS TO ADD ME BACK????

noah: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT IT WESLDKDIWLSK  
noah: lasercorn, keith wants you to apologise for your earlier sin.

LASERCORN: IM SORRY I MADE A DADDY KINK JOKE  
LASERCORN: (NOT REALLY)

noah: good enough.

wild wes-t: now that that's dealt with, i’m going to sleep.  
wild wes-t: goodnight.

LASERCORN: LAME  
LASERCORN: BUT GOODNIGHT WESLEY

—

CalaMari: Has anyone seen Joven?

day: he’s at my place.

jovenshire: YOU HAD ONE JOB DAMIEN

CalaMari: Great! Don’t let him leave! :)

day: i just locked him in a closet.

CalaMari: Amazing!

jovenshire: WAIT MARI IM SORRY  
jovenshire: I WONT EVER DO IT AGAIN  
jovenshire: PLEASE DONT KILL ME

CalaMari: Hmm….  
CalaMari: I won't kill you, but you owe me.  
CalaMari: Damien, let him go.

shayne: i’m so confused  
shayne: what happened?

CalaMari: He did the unspeakable.  
CalaMari: He ate my chocolate.

jovenshire: I THOUGHT IT WAS MINE

shayne: at least it wasn't wes’

jovenshire: i'm not stupid  
jovenshire: i check to make sure i'm not eating wes’ chocolate

CalaMari: Yet you don't check to see if you're eating mine.

jovenshire: how about i just give you my chocolate

CalaMari: You’re the best! :)

—

court bourt: i can’t believe olivia would do something like that.

shayne: i really thought we could trust her….

noah: i don't know if i’ll ever look at her the same again.

keith: same…

dad: i'm literally crying how could she do this

livliv: you all suck  
livliv: it's only minecraft

court bourt: YOU BLEW UP OUR VILLAGE  
court bourt: YOU HELPED THE ENEMY

wild wes-t: welcome to the other side, olivia.  
wild wes-t: we have cookies.

livliv: SEE?? THEY HAVE COOKIES  
livliv: I HAD NO CHOICE

day: so… not to make this even spicier, but i am currently setting off a bunch of tnt in our village.

wild wes-t: WAIT WHAT

day: well, i wanted to even out the teams again.

CalaMari: DAMN YOU DAMIEN!

day: andddd, i’m running.

noah: welcome to the other side damien!  
noah: we have diamonds!

day: that's so much better than cookies.

wild wes-t: you know what? i hope you die.  
wild wes-t: in minecraft, that is.

—

noah: courtney, i need you to save me.

livliv: why courtney? why not anyone else?

noah: courtney’s the only one i trust not to laugh at me.

court bourt: where are you??

noah: i'm at the park.

court bourt: and you need my help why?

noah: uhhh…  
noah: my leg is stuck in a fence

livliv: JDJDISJISN NOAH

court bourt: i….  
court bourt: i’m on my way.

noah: thank you.

livliv: KDJRIDJDISJ HOW

noah: ….  
noah: i was trying to cling over the fence and i slipped and now my leg is stuck.

livliv: KEHEUEJDISJ PLEASE  
livliv: IM SORRY FOR LAUGHING HUT THIS IS REALLY FUNNY

noah: :(((  
noah: oh courtney is here!!!

court bourt: i’m taking a few photos first because it looks hilarious.

noah: and to think i trusted courtney.

court bourt: *five images*

livliv: JEZHHSJSHSHD YOU LOOK SO DONE

noah: i am done.

court bourt: i might have to pry out a nail and move a plank to free him.

livliv: MY FAMILY IS LOOKING AT ME WEIRD BUT IVE NEVER LAUGHED HARDER

court bourt: currently prying a nail out of the fence, hopefully he'll be free soon.

noah: some little kids are staring and laughing.

court bourt: noah is free!!

livliv: #noahisfree

noah: thank you courtney.  
noah: but this is still one of the most embarrassing things that's ever happened to me.

—

day: changing sides for the minecraft war is the best thing i’ve ever done.  
day: i can just farm in peace.

dad: glad you’re enjoying being on the best side!!

shayne: the farming job was Not Fun i'm glad u like it

court bourt: speaking of jobs, does anyone want to update their job assignment?

noah: no, i’m good!

keith: i'm good too

shayne: same

dad: i really enjoy my job

day: we’re all good, court! :)

ms boats: you guys have job assignments??? how are you so organised

keith: a pro of having 3/4 of the group parents

livliv: the main reason i miss being on the other side of this minecraft war: the organisation

LASERCORN: WE CAN BE ORGANISED

jovenshire: the one time we tried that, we ended up fighting

CalaMari: The reason we succeed is because we aren't organised and end up doubling up on resources.

wild wes-t: yeah, that's accurate.

LASERCORN: THAT MAKES SENSE

livliv: i regret joining you guys

wild wes-t: think of the cookies, olivia.

livliv: oh shit

—

shayne: what’s true wlw mlm solidarity, u ask?  
shayne: why, it's that time courtney made out with me to prove to the creep who kept asking me out that i was actually dating someone

court bourt: B)  
court bourt: i love you!

shayne: i love u too platonic fiancée

noah: why didn't you just call damien?

shayne: he was out of town and my mind blanked so i called courtney  
shayne: also that was the same day courtney had accidentally proposed to me so it made sense to me

dad: courtney accidentally proposed to you?

shayne: we were practicing spanish and she messed up and asked me to marry her instead of whatever she was trying to ask

court bourt: now we’re platonic fiancés <3

shayne: <3

noah: that's pretty heterosexual of you two.

shayne: u take that back

noah: never.

court bourt: damn

noah: :)

—

day: so you ever just?

CalaMari: Yeah.

dad: all the time

court bourt: definitely.

jovenshire: what

LASERCORN: I THINK ITS A GROUP PARENT THING

—

ms boats: i should start a boat company called ms boats  
ms boats: and when i get married and she wants to share our company i’ll called it mrs & mrs boats

wild wes-t: i support you.

livliv: do you know anything about boats

ms boats: not really but i’d work it out

—

keith: why don't we turn on keep inventory in minecraft?

LASERCORN: BECAUSE WE ARENT COWARDS

keith: uhh thats where you're dead wrong, buddy

LASERCORN: **I ENJOY SEEING YOU ALL SUFFER

keith: yeah that checks out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really like writing these so i'll definitely be writing more! also i might have mini plots later and have actual relationships instead of slightly hinted at ones


	3. Chapter 3

shayne: guys ur all banned from my house

ms boats: why????

shayne: my mom didn't appreciate lasercorn breaking that vase but she doesn't know who it was so she banned you all

LASERCORN: IN MY DEFENCE JOVEN PUSHED ME

jovenshire: and i’d do it again.

shayne: joven i'll pay u ten bucks to push him down those three stairs at the front of the school

jovenshire: deal

dad: NO THATS HOW YOU GET HEAD INJURIES

LASERCORN: MAKE IT 20 AND SPLIT IT WITH ME AND ILL WEAR A HELMET AND LET YOU PUSH ME DOWN A SLIGHTLY LARGER STAIRCASE AND FILM IT

shayne: DEAL

dad: N O

—

jovenshire: i was about to push lasercorn down the stairs and mari straight up tackled me.

dad: oh thank god

LASERCORN: I HAD A BOX  
LASERCORN: I WAS GOING TO BOX SLED

CalaMari: Still!! You didn't have it out and I saw the earlier conversation!!

shayne: it was hilarious and i have it on video and while mari was lowkey pinning joven to the ground lasercorn pulled a box out from behind a bin and sled down the stairs

jovenshire: my shoulder’s sore, but that was amazing.

LASERCORN: I ALSO WORE A HELMET AS PROMISED  
LASERCORN: CHECKMATE PSEUDO PARENTS

dad: how's your elbow/knee/face

LASERCORN: I CAN HANDLE A GRAZE

shayne: it was on his forearm and i had to clean it for him and he almost hit me

LASERCORN: ANTISEPTIC WIPES STING

CalaMari: Why do I even try?

jovenshire: you love us.

CalaMari: True.

—

livliv: reasons we should end the minecraft war: i haven't slept in days, any homework is long forgotten, and all i know is minecraft

keith: just find something to give us a common goal

noah: the end dragon thing never happened.

wild wes-t: @everyone get on the server, let's go hunt the end dragon and bond!!

day: but my farm!

court bourt: you're farm will be there when we get back.

day: that's probably a lie, but ok.

livliv: with lasercorn? yes

day: i was more thinking about that time we went to the nether without boze and she started breaking the house, but that too.

ms boats: it was a bad day for me

livliv: clearly

—

noah: guys, i respawned and forgot where the end portal is.

keith: i'll help you find it when i die in two seconds

court bourt: solidarity in death.

—

shayne: what r the chances of that video i filmed of lasercorn going viral online

keith: uhhh not that good i think

LASERCORN: UPLOAD IT AND SEE COWARD

shayne: bet

keith: if it goes viral i'll cry

—

noah: that video of lasercorn (and joven and mari) is spread throughout our school.

shayne: does that count as viral

keith: no

noah: no.

shayne: goddamnit

CalaMari: Someone asked me to join the football team.

jovenshire: you could do it.

CalaMari: Maybe. I don't think I'll do it though.

jovenshire: ok

—

livliv: mamaaaaaa  
livliv uwuuuUUUUuuuu

court bourt: owo

livliv: ∩^ω^∩

keith: p,,please stop

livliv: ʕʘ‿ʘʔ

court bourt: ＼＼\\\٩( 'ω' )و //／／

keith: i hate this

livliv: ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

court bourt: ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

keith: sigh

—

ms boats: literally none of you are in my math class do y'all hate me

dad: we're all gay and can't do math

ms boats: i'm gay and i can do math

dad: you're 1 in a million

noah: boze, you're in an advanced class for math.  
noah: the rest of us aren't that good at it.

ms boats: mmm fair enough  
ms boats: anyway the pythagoras theorem

dad: no thanks

—

LASERCORN: DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT HOW MANY CHOICES AND EVENTS THERE WERE THAT LEAD UP TO YOU BEING HERE AT THIS VERY MOMENT

ms boats: all the time  
ms boats: it messes with my head

LASERCORN: SAME BUT IVE BEEN STARING AT THE CEILING FOR THE PAST HOUR JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW DIFFERENT THINGS WOULD BE IF I SIMPLY HAD DECIDED TO NOT GO TO SCHOOL ON THE DAY I MET IAN  
LASERCORN: THE ONLY REASON I WENT WAS BECAUSE I DIDNT REALLY FEEL LIKE LYING AROUND ST HOME BUT I COULDVE GONE LITERALLY ANYWHERE ELSE

ms boats: if we hadn't been partnered up for that science project i wouldn't know any of you and that's wild to me

LASERCORN: LIFE IS STRANGE

ms boats: yeah

—

day: if you don't like the lego movie 2, we can't be friends.

shayne: i haven't seen it

day: shayne, you mean so much to me, but i can't speak to you again until you watch the lego movie 2.

shayne: i completely understand

noah: why are you a lego movie 2 stan?

day: the message behind it and also the song 'everything's not awesome'.

noah: good point.

CalaMari: I love The Lego Movie 2!!  
CalaMari: It's so much better than the first one.

day: yes!!!

LASERCORN: HONESTLY? THE LEGO MOVIE 2 MADE ME CRY

CalaMari: Same.

day: @everyone if you want to come over to my place, we can watch the lego movie 2.

shayne: omw

CalaMari: I'm down!!

LASERCORN: SAME

noah: i'll be there, but just assume everyone's going to be there if you're going to make popcorn or something.

day: my parents are always prepared for you guys to come over, so we have enough food to feed a small army.

noah: nice.

—

shayne: the lego movie 2 is actually really good wtf  
shayne: i don't know what i was expecting, but definitely not a movie about how growing up doesn't mean becoming grim and forgetting your positive outlook and how maybe everything isn't great but we can do our best

day: neither was i, but that's the movie we got.

ms boats: not the movie we expected, but maybe the movie we deserved

—

court bourt: i was hanging out with lasercorn, and someone recognised him from the video of him sliding down the stairs.  
court bourt: apparently it's getting bigger, so it might actually go viral.

shayne: good

LASERCORN: I LOVE MY FANS  
LASERCORN: ALTHOUGH I THINK THEYRE MORE FANS OF MARI

jovenshire: as they should be

CalaMari: :D

—

wild wes-t: i got a detention and my mom thinks it because lasercorn is a bad influence on me.

ms boats: i'm 79% sure joven and i are worse influences but ok

wild wes-t: she thinks you're an angel and she loves joven.

ms boats: she thinks i'm an angel?  
ms boats: wes did you know i love your mom

livliv: if you're mom thinks lasercorn is the only bad influence on you she is dead wrong

wild wes-t: you're all bad influences, but in different ways.  
wild wes-t: lasercorn just so happens to get in trouble the most, so he's the only one my mom really considers trouble.

livliv: i've broken into your house and she thinks lasercorn is trouble?

wild wes-t: she assumed you came over around 7am.  
wild wes-t: and not 3am like an actual demon.

livliv: god she's the best

ms boats: i know, right?

livliv: wes, tell your mom boze and i love her

wild wes-t: she said she loves you both.

ms boats: truly the best

livliv: truly

—

dad: i accidentally set off some traps in our old village so we'll have to move to the other one

day: my farm :(

shayne: it's ok, we'll get you a new one damien

day: i actually had a decent one at the other village, so let's go.

wild wes-t: wait- lasercorn did you dismantle all of our traps?

LASERCORN: ....SHIT  
LASERCORN: I KNEW I WAS FORGETTING SOMETHING

court bourt: well, we're on our way now!

keith: actually, i'm trying to salvage some things from the remains of our village, but everyone else is on their way

LASERCORN: I NEED TEN MINUTES, TOPS

noah: how many traps did you guys have????

jovenshire: too many.

CalaMari: We went all out with the fortifying.  
CalaMari: It might've been a mistake.

livliv: i've nearly set off a trap so many times it's scary

ms boats: at least we were well protected  
ms boats: despite being constantly under threat of being blown up

dad: jesus

—

dad: lasercorn and joven have no self preservation instincts

day: what happened?

dad: nothing, it's just true

day: fair enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to bring sohinki and (maybe) flitz into this but i'm not sure how to introduce them so i'm leaving them out for the time being.
> 
> also i might put some romantic ships in this, so comment which ones you'd like to see because idk what to put


	4. Chapter 4

ms boats: i have to go to a wedding this weekend  
ms boats: which one of you wants to be my fake date

jovenshire: what wolud i have to do?

ms boats: literally just pretend to be my loving boyfriend and k*ss me on the cheek at least once so i don't accidentally out myself when asked if i have a boyfriend

jovenshire: i'm down.

ms boats: great!  
ms boats: i love you

jovenshire: ...  
jovenshire: i love you too, boze.

ms boats: @everyone !!!!!!!!!!  
ms boats: he admitted it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LASERCORN: OH SHIT

shayne: WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE

wild wes-t: !!!!!!!!!!!!

jovenshire: i immediately take back what i said.

ms boats: TOO LATE, YOU LOVE ME

jovenshire: .......  
jovenshire: no comment.

ms boats: THATS BASICALLY A YES SO

—

day: if you; a) feel emotions and/or b) breath air, then you might be a real person.

noah: shit.

—

keith: i had a dream last night that there was a cult at our school and i had to try and expose it  
keith: any insight on what that could mean

livliv: it was a prophecy

keith: nice

—

court bourt: what if we started a band?

wild wes-t: all twelve of us?

court bourt: yes.

wild wes-t: honestly? not very well because only like half of us have musical talent.

court bourt: but imagine the aesthetic of it.

wild wes-t: valid point, but it would go terribly.

court bourt: damn it.

—

ms boats: i drink to forget, but i always remember

dad: is the wedding really that bad?

jovenshire: first of all, i'd like to say she's drinking sparkling cider right now and i can tell she hates it.  
jovenshire: also, it's ehh but she tripped over and her asshole cousin saw.

dad: are you ok boze?

ms boats: yeah but i'd be better if SOMEONE would let me beat up my cousin

jovenshire: no fucking way boze.

ms boats: this is lesbophobia

jovenshire: if you're good i'll buy you food on our way back.

ms boats: only if it's mcdonald's

jovenshire: deal.

—

LASERCORN: FORGET A BAND  
LASERCORN: WOULD THE TWELVE OF US BE ABLE TO PULL OFF AN OCEANS 11 TYPE HEIST

shayne: i wish i could say yes but probably not

keith: i personally don't think we could

noah: i mean,,, it really depends on who plans it and who does what.  
noah: so maybe?

LASERCORN: WELL THATS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME NOAH

—

day: i'm not saying that we should murder lasercorn, but we should murder lasercorn.

CalaMari: What happened?

day: he burnt down my farm in minecraft.

LASERCORN: IT WASNT ME

shayne: oh that was me

wild wes-t: top ten anime betrayals

day: ….  
day: so, my friendship with shayne is terminated.

shayne: i love u and i'm trying to rebuild your farm rn

day: did you guys hear something?  
day: it sounded kind of like a little bitch.

LASERCORN: IM JUST GLAD THE PLANS OF MURDERING ME HAVE BEEN FORGOTTEN

—

day: shayne's my best friend again.

shayne: yeet

day: shayne is no longer my best friend.

shayne: fuck,,

—

livliv: who put a sign in my house saying "fuck"

keith: in the minecraft server?

livliv: obviously

keith: oh that was me

livliv: thank you for the new decoration it really compliments the potted flower just below it

keith: welc

—

shayne: true wlw mlm solidarity is that time courtney called me and pretended to just have been broken up with to get me out of a date with this creepy ass dude

court bourt: true wlw mlm solidarity is that time shayne literally climbed out of a bathroom window so i could talk things out with my girlfriend at the time.

shayne: true wlw mlm solidarity is that time courtney texted me the homework answers before i even asked for them

court bourt: true wlw mlm solidarity is that time shayne got into a fight with this dude who was talking about me behind my back and saying the d slur.

keith: we get it, you two love everything the other does and your whole friendship is founded on wlw mlm solidarity

day: actually, true wlw mlm solidarity is that night shayne snuck out of his house and into olivia's just to grab courtney's hoodie.

livliv: wait what

shayne: let it be known i texted you beforehand and you didn't respond so i just broke in and no one ever noticed

livliv: how

shayne: you left your window unlocked

livliv: oh ok  
livliv: anyway we love some good solidarity

court bourt: B)

—

CalaMari: How many shrimp do you have to eat, before you make your skin turn pink?  
CalaMari: Eat too much and you’ll get sick, shrimps are pretty  
CalaMari: RICH

wild wes-t: that’s going to be on repeat in my head all day, thanks mari.

CalaMari: <3

—

dad: what's your favourite idea?  
dad: mine is being creative

noah: ian, please no

keith: how do you get the idea?

dad: i just try to think  
dad: CREATIVELY

noah: i hate you both

—

court bourt: i was looking through a diary from middle school, and one of the entries ended with “no more boys! no more boys! no more boys!” and i really followed through.

ms boats: iconic


	5. please read!!!!!

so, i don't know if you guys know, but sexual assault allegations have come up against wes, and boze and joven have shared information about corporate smosh.

both of these things make me really uncomfortable and i think i might leave the smosh fandom? i don't know for sure, but i know i won't be updating this story or anomalies again because i just don't feel comfortable writing fan fictions about smosh or ne6 right now.

i thank you all for reading anything i have written and i hope maybe you'll enjoy something i write in the future, whether it's smosh related or not.

(if you're unsure about the situation, [here's a masterpost about it](https://smoshymess.tumblr.com/post/621834396836724736/current-problems-in-smosh-links). please inform yourself, and remember that continuing to consume smosh/ne6 content in the light of this situation doesn't make you a bad person!)

if you guys want to keep up with me, my tumblr blogs are @marishire (my main, which the handle may or may not change depending on whether or not i leave the fandom), @searadishrocking (general side blog) and @jjanussanders (sanders sides)

(small update! my main's handle is now @searadishrocking and my sides are @jjanussanders (still sanders sides) and @pee-sauna (unus annus)!)

this story (and anomalies) will be left up for now, but i may eventually delete.

thank you all again. :)

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading this!! kudos and comments are always appreciated very much, and my tumblr is @astrologystump if you're interested!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [smosh james](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22298266) by [berrries](https://archiveofourown.org/users/berrries/pseuds/berrries)




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